


If You Just Realize

by ScarletFlare



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Broadway, Brooke the Ballerina, Cutting, F/F, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Vanessa the Seamstress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-07-11 21:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19934851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletFlare/pseuds/ScarletFlare
Summary: Brooke comes from a rough past. Moving to New York and landing jobs as a hot-shot ballerina was not her plan. But life never turns out as you expect. Right?Vanessa comes from a rough past. Moving to New York was not her idea. But she's making it work as a seamstress for a popular ballet company. Everything will turn out fine. Right?





	1. Take Time To Realize

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys. Guess what? I need a beta. If you are interested please contact me on Discord. My name is still ScarletFlare and my code is 8911.
> 
> On another note. I really hope you guys enjoy this writing. I may or may not have deleted my last fanfiction in a blind rage... oops?

Brooke Lynn Hytes was born in a trailer park just outside of Toronto. Being born to a single mother with a slight obsession of dating the worst kind of guys was not ideal for anyone. Her mother dated any man from drug dealers to lazy, angry men to rapists. Brooke had to learn to make this work for her and her mother. By the time she was eight, she had learned to make four different meals for herself when her mother went missing for multiple days at a time. By the time she was thirteen, Brooke had been beaten six times by two of her mother’s boyfriends within a month. Once she turned fourteen, Brooke had found cutting as a way of forgetting the abuse from the cruel men. When Brooke turned seventeen, she had learned that spending more time with Nina, her neighbor and classmate, was ideal for escaping most of the wrath of her mother’s trailer.

Brooke Lynn had always been amazing at school and dance team. So, when she was given a scholarship to The New School for a degree in fine arts she quickly accepted. Being glad to get away from her mother’s revolving door of boyfriends and drugs. Brooke was gone within the week of her acceptance, leaving her mother a note. Nina was also going to New York with her so she could learn directing and acting at The New School. They took Nina’s car and drove the eight hours to New York. 

Brooke and Nina pushed their way through college and the hardships of sharing dorms with annoying drunks, no shows, late night partiers, and just straight of weirdos. Brooke successfully landed the lead of five ballets, dancing to Swan Lake, Don Quixote, and The Nutcracker. Nina had also been successful with directing three plays and acting in two. Nina and Brooke graduated within the top ten of their class. The pair of girls made a name for themselves and were slowly pulled into the New York industry of Broadway, even working together a couple times. 

Once Brooke landed the role of Coppélia in the ballet with the same name. She practiced day in and day out her routines until she could do them backwards and forwards. Nina was always supporting her, and Brooke did the same to Nina. Living in a very small apartment made them closer than ever, even if they saw each other less than three hours a day. Every night both girls would spend an hour reading Nina’s lines and another hour helping Brooke with a dance she stumbled with. After, both girls would spend a half an hour making a dinner and talk about their day, then go to sleep. Every morning they would repeat the day before. Some may find it boring, but Nina and Brooke wouldn’t wish it any other way.

After five years of dancing and directing, Nina and Brooke had enough money to move out from one another’s apartment. They of course found different apartments within a five-minute walking trip to one another, but not living together would be a big step. So, at the ages of twenty-seven, Nina and Brooke listed their apartment and moved into bigger, separate, apartments. The tears that were shed felt silly but needed. After the girl’s moved their things into their apartments then, they simply sat in their small living room and shared a bottle of wine. They laughed at memories and cried at stories until it was three in the morning and they decided it was officially time to call it a night. After sharing a long hug and a couple more tears they locked up their apartment and put the keys into the landlord’s mailbox. Nina turned to the right and smiled at Brooke. Brooke turned to look at Nina. 

“I’m gonna miss you bitch.” Nina said quietly. “It’s like the end of an era.” Nina continued; Brooke laughed lightly.

“Oh my god, were acting like we’re never going to see each other again.” Brooke smiled and checked her phone. It was three-thirty in the morning. “Jesus, I have to get up at eight tomorrow, well today, I guess. Goodbye Nina.”

“You're coming over tomorrow night.” Nina said laughing. “Seriously, we’re so dramatic. Goodbye Brooke.”

They shared one more long hug. With a quiet wave Nina turned and walked to the right, Brooke turned left and kept walking the two blocks to her new apartment full of boxes. She closed the door to the spacious room. The tall blonde walked straight to her bedroom and fell face first onto her bed. Once more checking her eight-a.m. alarm she quickly fell into a deep slumber of four hours.

~~~

Vanessa’s mother was rich. There was no other way to put it. When you lived in central Miami, had a huge pool in your yard, and never had a year without going on a trip, you were rich. Rich, however, does not mean you get whatever you want. Vanessa learned this very early on. She didn’t get a mom who would come and hug her when she got home from school, or even ask how her day had been. Her mother never came to any sport game she was playing. When Vanessa realized her mother didn’t care for her very much, she started to use her large house as a way to avoid her. She started to hide, weather it was in the hot tub, her room, or one of the house’s many rooms. 

Vanessa didn’t know much about her grandparents other than they threw her mother out of their house. Her mother wanted their forgiveness with her whole being. Vanessa wasn’t quite sure why her mother was kicked out, but she knew she had never met her grandparents, and if they were anything like her mother, she never wanted to meet them. So, when her mom died as Vanessa turned seventeen, she wasn’t surprised she got no money, it had gone to her grandparents. She was surprised that her best friend A’keria decided that the two of them moving to New York would solve their problems. 

Vanessa reluctantly agreed. With no money, Vanessa chose to live in A’keria’s basement until they finished their last year of high school. Vanessa had every scout from New York come out to watch her play volleyball for her team. A’keria’s parents had more than enough money to put her through school, but Vanessa would never ask them to do anything that extreme for her. With determination, Vanessa succeeded in getting a scholarship with the Fashion Institute of Technology for volleyball. A’keria had also gone to school at the same college. Vanessa chose a degree in Fashion Design, while A’keria chose Jewelry Design.

For Vanessa, volleyball came easy to her. Playing libero was something she was always talented in. Maybe it was her short height, or the fact that she didn’t really care if she threw herself to the floor over and over again. Whenever a serve from the other team came over the net, no matter what, Vanessa is always the one screaming for the ball to come to her. Of course, being loud in volleyball was always a good thing, but so was being fast, Vanessa could out run almost anyone. 

Vanessa lead her team to two national championships. She was chosen as M.V.P. of her team three years in a row. She was happy. She was happy living in the microscopic apartment A’keria’s parents payed for. Her and A’keria had a schedule. Wake up, A’keria would go to the design lab for jewelry and Vanessa would go to work out in the weight room with her team. After they would meet up for the half an hour before class started and eat a small breakfast. The two girls would then go their separate ways to different classes. If their class itineraries allowed, they would meet up for lunch. The brown haired girls would then go to their shared classes. After school, Vanessa would go to the locker room for her practice, and A’keria would go to the jewelry room. Whenever Vanessa finished, she would meet A’keria and they would walk to their apartment and eat a small dinner. They would then turn on whatever TV show they were currently watching until they couldn’t keep their eyes open and went to bed.

Once they graduated A’keria started a small, online, jewelry company with a girl named Silky she had met in a class. They ran it out of Silky’s apartment because it was bigger. Vanessa however was a little stuck. She was good at sewing and designing clothing but not confident enough to start her own business. So, once she saw an advertisement for a costume seamstress she instantly applied. It was for a Broadway company known for their very popular ballets. She was excited. When she was told to come in for an interview she quickly accepted.

Vanessa made the short walk to the studio and quietly entered. She was excitedly greeted by a woman who seemed to be in her early forties. The woman had dark brown hair that was gathered into a thick ponytail that hung to her lower back. Her bangs were almost past her eyebrows. The dark purple shirt she wore looked to be a couple sizes too big for her as it hung off her shoulders. She seemed to compensate for this by wearing a pair of high wasted black jeans and tying the shirt in a knot to shorten it.

“Oh my! You must be Vanessa? Lovely to meet you, my name is Shuga.” Shuga said quickly coming to the doorway to greet her. “You’re here to interview, yes? Well come along then!”

Shuga marched into the studio and Vanessa quickly followed. The woman abruptly turned around and pushed Vanessa into a chair. In front of her was a sewing machine. There was fabric of a bright red sitting there for her. Vanessa looked at Shuga who smiled back at her. 

“Sew something. Anything. I’m just going to give you measurements.” Shuga said as she scribbled numbers on a piece of paper. She shoved it in Vanessa’s face. “You have an hour. Make whatever you want.”

Vanessa looked at the sheet of paper in her hands. The measurements were fairly simple. She looked back at the red fabric. She quickly got to work as ideas flowed through her head. She swiftly had sewn a long sleeve body suit, then she started on an abstract skirt with a slit off the right side. Fabric bunched at various lengths. It looked odd. Vanessa wasn’t going to lie to herself. It was risky, it was high fashion, but at what cost? It could also be seen as a child with a sewing machine if someone didn’t know what to look for. With five minutes left of her hour, she put the dress on the manikin and stepped back. It wasn’t her best work, but it was good. High fashion. If she had multiple days to construct it, the dress would have blown the red carpet to bits. 

Shuga turned to look at Vanessa. Then the dress, she walked silently in a circle around the dress. Looking at every flaw and imperfection. 

“Vanessa… I have to say it… I’m Impressed.” Shuga turned to her with a smile. Her blinding teething sparkling. “Girl you got the goods. Can you start on Monday?”

“Oh bitch, are you serious? I thought you would hate this garment?” Vanessa asked. The first sentence she had spoken to Shuga. “I mean, yes Ma, I’d love to start on Monday.”

Shuga had shown her out of the building and given her information on what she should expect and what time to come in. Since it was Friday, she had the whole weekend to celebrate getting this job. Within one minute of leaving the studio she had A’keria on the phone planning on celebrating. Vanessa, Silky and A’keria decided that going out for drinks would be the best option. After a couple hours however they worked their ways home Vanessa slept soundly until her eight-a.m. alarm woke her and she tore through the apartment to get ready. And boy was she ready.


	2. That Your Warmth Is Crashing Down On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is cutting in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again Babes, I need a beta. seriously don't be shy. (use it as an excuse to read the story before anyone else:) My Discord code is 8911 and my name is still ScarletFlare
> 
> On another note; Enjoy Babes! <<3

Vanessa entered the studio. Shuga was bustling around with the different sized manikins in the back corner. Vanessa also noticed the few other girls in the room. The three girls that she didn’t recognize were all busy. The girl she first noticed was franticly searching through the fabrics. She had her brown to pink ombre hair loosely curled falling down her back. Her washed out, ripped, blue jeans and white crop top seemed to fit her perfectly. The girl closest to her had a lot of blonde hair, with streaks of purple and pink, ending at her hips. Her colorful jacket was falling off her shoulders slightly as she pushed fabric through her sewing machine. One of the first things Vanessa noticed though was this girl’s makeup. Her blue eyeshadow and pink lipstick should look whore-ish but instead it perfectly pulled her outfit together. The last girl had on a black mesh top over a black bralette. Her bleach blonde hair fell to her lower back as she flicked it over her shoulder. Her dark skin looked to be soft as she smiled at Vanessa.

“Hey guys! New girlie’s here.” The bleach blonde quickly walked to her and pulled her into a hug. “Hey girl, I’m Mercedes.”

“ ‘Cedes, you’re making her uncomfortable.” Said the girl with pink and purple streaked hair. “I’m Ariel by the way. Ignore her, she’s a bit excited. Too much coffee I think.”

“AH!” All heads turned to the fabric wall of the studio. Fabric now covered the floor all around the pink haired girl who had fallen on the floor. She awkwardly pulled herself up and smiled sheepishly. “Hey… I’m Plastique.”

“More like Plastic with that brain of yours!” Ariel yelled at her in the middle of laughing at Plastique.

“Oh my god, you’re such a bitch!” Plastique said laughing also. “But… I mean… you’re not wrong.”

Shuga finally made her way over to the four girls. “Okay girls. We have a costume fitting for the ballet they have finally finished casting. The costume fitting will be today at twelve o’clock. Don’t worry they’re coming to us, so we don’t have to pack anything.” Shuga finished with a smile.

Vanessa looked at the clock above the door. It was nine-a.m. so they had three hours. She gave the studio a good look over. The fabric wall was still a mess and the manikins didn’t look too much better. “Ugh, do you guys need help cleaning up a bit before they come in?” Vanessa asked with one more look around.

“I didn’t hire you to clean! But yeah, we do need a little help. Mercedes and Ariel can finish their final touches on those costumes while you and Plastique clean up a bit.” Shuga said with a final blinding smile. “I need to finish some paperwork for the ballet coming in. Have fun bitches!”

Plastique groaned but within a few seconds she had taken Vanessa’s wrist and pulled her over to the fabric wall to get started. They laughed and made small talk easily. Soon they seemed to know each other very well and even had a couple inside jokes. They had barely finished with the wall and manikins as Shuga came out in a hurry. She quickly pulled drawers out of the carts around the room. She had pencils, paper, and more measuring tapes then necessary spread out over the five stations in the room. The bell above the door chimed as a large group of people came in. Every person seemed to have on loose fitting pants over their tight leotards and spandex. Shuga quickly directed each person to different stations. 

Vanessa wasn’t surprised when she was told to go to the station with the least amount of people. She was surprised once she realized this was the leading cast she was fitting. The seven people made small talk as she took their measurements one by one. Shuga came over to her and told her she was doing well. With this note Vanessa started to calm down and finally relax. She made small talk with the cast and laughed a bit too. She was laughing until she had to measure the female lead. The blonde seemed obnoxiously tall. Her hair was pulled into a tight ponytail. The blonde definitely seemed uncomfortable. So, Vanessa had to make a joke. She always had to make a joke.

“Geez Blondie, did a rat crawl up your ass and die or somethin’? Ya lookin’ a bit salty Mami.” Vanessa said with a quiet chuckle. She looked up to see the blonde staring at her with an angry blazing in her eyes. “Sorry Mami, just a joke.”

“Maybe don’t make jokes at the expense of your clients.” The tall girl muttered. 

Vanessa reached for her coffee and was going to take a sip just as Shuga came barreling through holding many different white fabrics. She was most likely going to show the costume director these beautiful fabrics. But, as Shuga came past she knocked Vanessa's coffee from her hands and onto the blonde and the fabrics. 

“Shit! Sorry! Oh my god, let’s go get you cleaned up girl!” Vanessa was instantly was trying to take spare napkins and pat her dry. “I’m so sorry Mami.” 

“Okay bitch! Listen here. You’ve been rude to me and now I’m covered in your over sweetened shitty coffee. I don’t need your fucking help to clean myself off too.” The blonde walked toward the bathroom grabbing her bag on the way. As she reached the door she turned to the Latina. “And bitch, my name is Brooke, not fucking Mami.”

~~~

Brooke was mad. She was pissed at the rat comment from the short seamstress. But more than that she was pissed at the fact she was covered in coffee. Her cream leotard was nowp stained an awful shade of brown. She took off the garment in the bathroom and stuck it under the sink. The water turned a light shade of brown as the outfit soaked.

Brooke refused to look at herself in the mirror. She hardly even looked in the mirror anymore. So instead she stood there. In her nude sports bra and black underwear. She glanced down at her arms clutching the sink. The cuts. So many cuts running up and down her arms. She quickly wrapped her arms around herself so she wouldn’t have to look at them anymore. After a moment of calming down she opened her bag and pulled out her black leotard and a razor blade. Brooke took the cool blade and made five quick cuts. They weren’t as deep as she wanted but she couldn’t risk bleeding through her leotard. Plus, she needed time to stop the bleeding if she was to go back out there. As she brought the blade down to her arm one more time the door pushed open. It was the Latina who spilled coffee on her

“I am so sorry Mam-Brooke. Can I help you clea-.” The brown-haired girl stopped mid-sentence as she stared at Brooke’s arms. “Oh Blon- “

“Get the fuck out.” Brooke said. It was barely above a whisper. When she noticed the girl hadn’t left, she lost it. “Get the fuck out of here! You don’t fucking know me! You don’t give a fucking shit about me!” She continued to yell, and the short girl continued to stand there.

By the time Brooke had stopped yelling she was crying. “Go.” Her voice broke as it was hoarse and rough. This time the girl listened. She left. Brooke was alone again. She stared into the brown water surrounding her leotard. She quickly slipped her black leotard on and walked back out into the studio leaving her cream leotard behind.

Most of the cast had left. Only a couple remained. Brooke dropped her bag by the wall again and walked up to the women who seemed to be in charge. “Can I have someone else take my measurements please?” Brooke asked politely.

The women looked up at her and quickly glanced back at the girls working. Vanessa was the only one without a client. Since she had measured the small main cast that meant she finished before the others. “I totally understand why you want another seamstress to take your measurements. I’m sorry but Vanessa is the only one available at the moment. But I can promise I will not allow her to talk to you at all if this helps.” The kind women said with a smile. Brooke took a deep breath and gave a hesitant nod.

“Vanessa!” The women yelled. “You are not allowed to say a word to this lovely girl when you take her measurements. You will take her measurements and that will be it. Nothing else. No more foolery bitch.” Brooke saw the Vanessa girl give a small nod.

Brooke walked back to the station which had since been cleared of the coffee. She silently let the short girl take her measurements. Now that the younger girl was quiet, Brooke could get a good look at her. Her dark brown hair fell to where her waist cinched inward. The dark curls fell perfectly around her face. Vanessa wore a loose-fitting red shirt that was cut above her belly button. Her black leggings stopped just below her belly button. Her eye makeup was dark, but it worked with her red lips. This girl seemed to be about five years younger than her but qualified, if you took her attitude away.

She finished writing down her measurements and stepped back with a small nod. Brooke took this as her que to leave. She quickly grabbed her bag and left in record speed, glad to leave the suffocating room.

She needed to call Nina ASAP. They hurriedly decided to meet at a small coffee shop near Brooke’s apartment. They were there talking within five minutes.

“She saw Nina. She saw the cuts. She knows my name’s Brooke. What if she talks to the press? They’ll have a field day. I’m over Nina! Fuck!” Brooke ranted. She took a deep breath and realized she was crying.

“She probably has no idea who you are. She’s just a seamstress. They make the costumes; they don’t care about them in motion.” Nina tried to comfort Brooke. By putting a hand on her shoulder. Brooke simply brushed her off. 

“Nina. She works for Broadway. Someone in that studio will probably know who I am! Its over Nina!” Brooke was crying harder now.

“Talk to her.” Nina said softly. Her eyes were kind and helpful.

“What?” Brooke asked. “No way. I can’t!”

“Yes, you can. You’re Brooke Lynn Hytes. You powered your way from nothing to everything.” Nina said with a smile. “You can talk to a no body easy. Make her not tell anyone. If she is a decent person, she will understand.”

“You're right Nina.” Brooke wiped her tears. “You’re always fucking right.”

~~~

As the woman, Brooke, left so did Vanessa. She knew she should have let Shuga and the others know what was going on, but she simply left. After a couple of minutes, she sent a quick text to Shuga saying she would explain the next day. She needed to call A’keria. After a quick chat they decided to meet at Silky’s because A’keria was already there.

Vanessa told them the story. How the woman had come in with a bad attitude and she made a stupid joke to lighten the mood. Vanessa told how her boss cause the coffee accident. She told them about the yelling and screaming Brooke had aimed at her. She did leave out the fact that she had seem the woman’s cuts. By the time she had finished the story, Silky was jumping up and down.

“Was this bitch like super tall?” Silky said excitedly. Vanessa nodded. “And blonde?”

Again, she nodded. “Did she look like the kind who is a rich stuck up bitch?” Another nod.

“And her name is Brooke? And she’s a ballerina?” Finally confused beyond return Vanessa asked.

“What are you trying to tell me ho?” Vanessa said with an eyeroll.

“You pissed off Brooke Lynn Hytes.” Silky said with a serious face. Vanessa was confused. 

“Brooke what now? Am I supposed to know who she is?” The Latina sighed.

“THE Brooke Lynn Hytes. The talk of the town for the past five years? Every Ballet blog is talking about her. Do you not keep up with anything on Broadway bitch? A’keria finally added to the conversation. “You work for a company that makes costumes for these people!”

“I don’t know this bitch! I have no idea of who she… is…” Vanessa looked at the pair of girls with a worried expression; a mixed expression of realization and panic. “Oh shit. I pissed off Brooke Lynn Hytes.”


	3. Take Time To Realize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Rape and past abuse in this chapter. There is also cutting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been a few days Babes. I had a bit of trouble trying to write this one. Also a beta would be nice. Please contact me if you're interested.
> 
> On another note: Enjoy this chapter, Babes!

Brooke sat down on her over stuffed couch. Apollo was sitting on the arm rest and Henry hopped up into her lap. She smoothed out the cat’s fur as he curled up on her thighs. Brooke was stressed. She hadn’t gotten a call from her manager, so she knew the seamstress, Vanessa, hadn’t spread the word, yet. The blonde had always lived with anxiety, it came from her childhood. The boyfriends her mother had were sometimes more interested in the young girl over the woman. She remembered every boyfriend who had touched her, anything from a light squeeze on the arm to much, much, worse. She remembered every man. Every single moment. She remembered Frank. Frank was the worst.

When Frank was over Brooke had known to spend time with Nina. Unfortunately, Nina and her family had to leave for a week to visit her sick grandmother. Frank, of course took advantage of this week whole heartedly. Every night Brooke would hear her mother and Frank moaning like animals together in bed for about an hour. When her mother fell asleep was when Brooke knew to get worried. She would hear the floorboards creak under the man’s feet as he walked closer to her room near the end of the trailer. One thing Brooke would never understand is why he just stood there. Whenever Frank came to her door, he would pause for almost five minutes every time. Though it seemed like an eternity. During these moments Brooke’s imagination would run wild. What would he do? Why is standing there? How long will he be in her room this time? Will her mom walk in? Will someone help her?

The thirteen-year-old Brooke would start to silently cry as he stood there waiting. If she made noise Frank would get angry. It hurt when he was angry. When he would finally turn her door knob and walk in Brooke would curl into the corner of her bed, trying her hardest to put distance between herself and the man. Frank was quick as he grabbed her by her wrists and forced her down. He laid across her and forced his leg between hers. The large man gave her a sinister smile as he reached under her shirt groping and pulling her nipples. Brookes tears were coming faster and faster and he pushed his hand down in her sleep shorts. She let out a loud sob as he yanked off the garment. She hadn’t realized she made a noise until he entered her with as much force as possible.

Thankfully, when he was angry it was over quicker, although it did hurt more. Frank would leave the room rather quick after he finished. This is when Brooke would sneak outside and cry for hours. Sometimes, when she walked far enough, she would scream at the nearby river. The blonde would scream until her voice was raw and broken. She would then cry more as she walked back to her trailer. 

Frank dated her mother the longest of all her boyfriends, a whole year and a half. It was about a year into Frank’s night time visits when Brooke started to cut herself. She had seen a girl at school through the cracks of a bathroom stall take a razor blade to her skin. Brooke didn’t feel sorry for the girl, instead she understood her. The blonde wanted control, but craved it was a more appropriate description.

Brooke hurried home that night, she rummaged around in the rusty tool box until she found it. The package of unopened utility razors. She broke the seal and took out the gleaming piece of silver. Quickly shoving it up her sleeve Brooke ran inside and tucked it between her mattress and bedframe. 

The tall blonde would first use the blade that night. She stared at herself in her small bedroom mirror for hours before she made the first cut. What looked back at her in that mirror frightened her. The tall blonde with smooth unblemished skin was gone. She looked the same yes, but the girl staring back at her was dirty. She let men touch her. She deserved to be punished. This blonde girl was bad and didn’t need to be in the world anymore. 

Brooke then took the blade and brought it across her forearm countless times. None were very deep cuts, but they all served a purpose, to put the dirty, ugly, disgusting girl away so she would never come back out.

Brooke looked around the room. Henry and Apollo were contently sleeping next to her. Her phone showed the time to be two-a.m. She reached down to stroke Henry when she realized he was wet, but from what? Brooke then realized she had been crying, the blonde hadn’t even felt the tears leave her eyes. She needed to talk to Vanessa. To make sure she wouldn’t tell a soul about her cutting habits. Brooke couldn’t trust this hyper Latina girl not to tell anyone, even if she could be a good person.

It was three in the morning by the time Brooke left her apartment. She didn’t know why going to the studio at this time was a good idea. Of course, no one would be there this late, but Brooke needed to at least try to talk to this girl, even just to put her mind to rest a little bit. Yes, she hated Vanessa and her attitude. Yes, she didn’t want to be walking around Manhattan this late. And yes, Brooke wanted to be asleep right now, but she couldn’t. She needed to talk to Vanessa.

Brooke walked twenty minutes until she got to the studio. To her surprise there was a light on. It was in the far back and Brooke couldn’t see who was there or what was going on. She pushed on the door to find out it was locked. The person at the other side of the building didn’t hear her. With a couple of loud knocks Brooke gained the attention of the person in the back. It was a woman. Long brown hair. That at least narrowed it down. It was Shuga or Vanessa. 

Brooke gave a small wave to the woman, who in return stood up and walked to the door. By the time the dark-haired girl got there Brooke had forgotten what she wanted to say. It was Vanessa. She had no makeup on, and her hair was in a loose ponytail high on her head. Vanessa didn’t seem excited to see her, but neither was the blonde to see her. The shorter girl still unlocked the door and let her in anyway.

“Can I talk now or are you going to run to my boss again?” Vanessa said with a hand on her hip.

“I- ugh, I just came for… err, my leotard?” Brooke stuttered. She really needed to shake her nerves. “The one you happened to spill coffee on.”

“Oh yeah, it’s hanging in the back to dry.” The short girl said as she walked to the bathroom near the lighted station. “Are you coming or are you just going to stand there? ‘Cause I have manikins for that.”

Brooke followed after her toward the bathroom with Vanessa. As Brooke pasted the station, she noticed a blue dress being worked on, and she stopped dead in her tracks. The dress was gorgeous. The fabric formed to the manikin perfectly. The skirt fell to the floor and had a slit up the left leg. The shiny fabric flared out around the hips to make them look a bit larger.

The Latina came out of the bathroom holding the leotard in one hand. When she reached Brooke, she thrusted it in her face. “There you go, Mami.”

“Did you make this dress?” The taller girl asked softly. Vanessa looked surprised at the question.

“Ugh, yeah. It’s not looking too hot though. I was angry sewing to get some of my stress out. You know?” Vanessa said with a shrug. “You ain’t makin’ fun of it are you?”

“’Not looking too hot?’” Brooke repeated. She was dumbfounded. “Bitch this looks good! I would even think about wearing it.”

“Oh, I get the approval of Miss Brooke Lynn Hytes, do I?” Vanessa rolled her eyes. “I know it’s good, it’s just not as good as it could be.”

They stood there in silence for a couple minutes. The two girls stared at the dress, Vanessa would make a few alterations here and there. This went on for another handful of minutes.

“Put it on.” The Latina finally spoke up. Her long lashes fluttered in Brooke’s direction.

“What? Are you serious?” The blonde looked confused. “It’s really not necessary.” 

“Just put it on.” Vanessa sighed as she took the dress off the manikin. When the dress was handed to her, she stopped a few inches away from grabbing it. “What is it now, Blondie?”

“It-ugh, the dress is err…” Brooke stumbled with her words once more. She shook her head and took her hand away from the dress. “I can’t.”

“Oh, my lord, Blondie! Put on the damn dress. You even said it wasn’t that bad.” Vanessa rolled her eyes dramatically.

“It’s not that.” Brooke softened her voice. “It’s just… It’s a short-sleeved dress.”

“Oh.” Vanessa nodded. The blonde looked away from her. It was oddly disturbing how small Brooke could make herself seem, even though the girl was almost six feet tall. “Put it on. I ain’t gonna judge.”

“But- “

“No.” Vanessa interrupted. She shoved the dress at Brooke once again. “Put it on, bitch.”

Brooke nodded as she grabbed the garment. She shuffled into the bathroom to change. The tall woman took her time putting on the dress. The small bathroom’s mirrors were a touch dirty, but Brooke looked good. So, she walked out to show Vanessa.

“YES BITCH!” Was the noise Brooke was met with as she exited the bathroom in the dress. Vanessa’s hands were instantly on the blue garment, straightening it here, and pinning it there.

“Go look in the good mirror over on that wall.” Vanessa instructed the blonde. As Brooke walked to the mirror, she pressed her forearms to her stomach as if to hide what they looked like. It was obvious the Latina noticed this action, but she didn’t say anything. Another five minutes passed as the seamstress fixed the beautiful garment. 

“You don’t plan of telling anyone do you?” Brooke asked softly. She started to curl into herself once more and press her arms flat to her stomach.

“About what? You're wearing a dress made by your enemy?” Vanessa offered. She knew what the dancer had meant, she was talking about her arms. “I promise I won’t tell.”

“No I mean about my-“ Vanessa cut the blonde off.

“I know what you mean, Blondie.” Vanessa said quietly. “I’m not that big of a bitch. I know you have a reputation and it wouldn’t be good for it if your little secret got out.”

“But only on one condition.” Vanessa offered. “You have to play manikin when I need one.” Brooke agreed to this.

“Thank you.” Brooke said. She had visibly relaxed Vanessa made the final alterations on the dress. She slowly lowered her arms from her stomach to her side. With a final shaky breath Brooke relaxed her shoulders slightly. Her arms were exposed but she ignored it as she stared at herself in the mirror. 

Dirty. Worthless. Stupid. Ugly. Filthy. Disgusting. Whore. Brooke couldn’t breathe. She needed out of the dress. It was suffocating her. The blonde started to claw at the garment and try to wiggle out. 

“I-I can’t breathe. Vanessa. Get me out of this. Get me out!” Brooke started to panic. Vanessa instantly tried to work the zipper, but it wouldn’t budge. “Vanessa. PLEASE!”

“Just stay there for two seconds, I promise I’ll be right back.” Vanessa ran to the drawers and pulled half of them out until she found what she wanted.

“VANESSA!” Brooke sobbed as she clawed at the dress.

“I’m right here. Promise me you won’t move for a few seconds. I need you to be still as I get you out.” Vanessa said in a hurry. Brooke only cried louder, but she stilled. Vanessa took the scissors she had grabbed and cut down the dress, right along that seem. The dress fell around Brooke. She now stood there in a black bralette and matching thong. Brooke fell to the ground like the dress as she sobbed harder than before. Vanessa sat down next to her and grabbed her hand in what she hoped was comfort.

“I’m sor-sorry. I did-dn’t mean to fr-freak.” Brooke yanked her hand away from Vanessa and curled into a small ball. “I’m sorry I’m so dirty, I’m so bad. I can pay for it.”

“Brooke. Look at me.” Vanessa said softly. Brooke looked at her slowly. “It’s fine. The dress can be fixed. You are not dirty, or bad or… Brooke you are safe.”

Vanessa forced Brooke into a hug. Brooke fought at first but eventually relaxed slightly, though she didn’t hug the Latina back. Vanessa realized a few things in this moment. One; She wasn’t just cutting her arms, her legs and lower stomach had cuts too. Two; Brooke had a serious problem. And three; Vanessa wanted to help her. 

After a short time, Vanessa led Brooke to the bathroom to put her clothes back on. The shorter girl was denied the chance to walk the blonde home as Brooke forced her to stay and close up. The blonde left as soon as she finished putting her clothes on. As Vanessa was cleaning up, she found the dancer’s leotard. The Latina smiled. It looked like Brooke would be coming back soon after all.


	4. That I Am On Your Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! I know, I know, It has been like what... 11 days? My bad.  
> My past week and a half has been super hectic. 
> 
> On another note: Please enjoy this chapter!

Nina woke to a loud knock on her door. She looked over to the alarm clock on the stand next to her, it was almost five in the morning. The only one who would be at her door this early was Brooke in some sort of crisis. Nina quickly jumped out of bed and walked through the apartment to the door. As she yanked it open a long hair blonde woman pushed her way into the apartment and made herself comfortable on the couch. Brooke curled into a small ball near the armrest of the couch and silently wrapped herself in a blanket.

Nina said nothing as she walked to the kitchen and made two cups of coffee. After five minutes she brought them into the living room and set one in front of Brooke. Another ten minutes passed and both women sipped their coffee in silence. Nina decided to break the comfort of quiet.

“What happened?” The kind woman asked softly. She looked at the blonde curled on the sofa.

“I freaked.” Brooke answered vaguely. 

“As in...?” Nina questioned the taller girl.

“I went back to talk to her, Vanessa that is, and she was there. She had made a gorgeous blue dress and told me to try in on. I didn’t want to put it on because… well… you know. She told me she didn’t care and promised not to tell about my… er… habit? So, I put on the dress,” Brooke looked and Nina and sighed. With a quick shake of her head she continued. “It reminded me of how much Frank liked me in blue and I freaked. She had to cut the fucking dress off of me. I feel terrible. She probably thinks I’m crazy.”

Nina and Brooke continued their previous silence. Brooke replayed the night in her head over and over again. Nina was still processing the information given to her. 

“What did Vanessa do after you freaked?” Nina asked the dancer.

“I sat on the ground and cried for a minute and then she… she hugged me. She didn’t have to hug me, but she did. I didn’t want her to have to touch me.” Brooke answered. “She shouldn’t have to touch someone so dirty, so used.” Brooke had tear streaming down her face by the time she had finished talking.

“Shhh… honey. We’ve talked about this before.” Nina soothed. She then looked pointedly at the blonde. “You’re not dirty, broken, used, or defeated.”

Brooke knew to repeat those words, or the two women would end up in another argument. “I’m not dirty, broken, used, or defeated.” Nina looked satisfied with her response.

“Hun, think about it. Vanessa couldn’t have thought you were crazy if she hugged you.” The brown-haired women responded. “Brooke, would you hug someone if you thought they were crazy?”

“I guess not.” The blonde responded. She felt like a child being talked to by their mother after they overreacted. If she thought about it, maybe she was. “I feel terrib- damnit! I left my leotard there again!”

Brooke sighed and gave her head a shake. Vanessa had seen all her scars and scabs. Why did she fuck up whenever she talked to anyone? She could barely order a coffee without having a mental break down. The only thing that ever calmed her was when she danced. Brooke loved the lights and music of the stage, she loved the sparkles of the costumes, even the tight squeeze of her ballet shoes. Ballet grounded her, everything about the sport made her tingle inside. She was always excited to see the show in play though, every dancer perfect, every light predicable, every costume… Brooke always looked forward to the costumes. This next costume she would wear would remind her of Vanessa. Vanessa thinking of her as crazy, a freak. The blonde yawned.

“Go to sleep Brooke.” Nina said softly. “It’s almost six-a.m. Use the blanket and couch pillows. I’ll wake you in a couple hours so you can make it to your ten-a.m. rehearsal.”

Nina was always too good to her. She had been there for her too many times to count. Brooke trusted her always, with anything. So, she curled up on the couch and fell into a restless sleep.

~~

“Damnit Silk!” Vanessa banged on her door. “Wake the fuck up bitch or I’m gonna break down this door!”

“Shut the fuck up hoe and get in here!” Silky said as she yanked the girl inside. “I was sleeping cunt! You know this big girl needs a fat nap!”

“Sit down bitch and buckle up, cause oh girl have I got some tea to spill!” Vanessa came down from the high of yelling after the last statement and sat down across from the bigger woman with a soft thunk. “Brooke came back.”

“She did what now? Should we call A’keria?” Silky yelled again. “Vanjie, what happened?”

“Calm down hoe! A’keria is with her boy toy. Seriously it’s not that big of a deal.” Vanessa muttered. She gave the black woman a defeated look. “She freaked out. I had to cut a dress off of her. Silks, I’m scared.”

“Okay okay. You have to tell the story what happened?” Silky asked softly. Vanessa looked upset, which didn’t happen often. “Take your time girl.”

Vanessa told her the story. The only thing she failed to mention was that Brooke was cutting herself. That wasn’t her secret to tell. The Latina felt a weird strong need to protect Brooke’s secret, even if it meant not telling her best friend the whole story. She told Silky about cutting the dress off her and how she freaked out and Vanessa didn’t know why. How she was scared she would be fired for making the same client, yet again, upset.

“She made me stay to close up and then she left.” Vanessa finished. Silky looked at her for a couple seconds.

“She just left? And you let her?” The taller woman asked. “It was like five-a.m.! You let her walk home alone after she was delirious and crying? Girl what is wrong with you?”

“She told me to stay! I don’t know anything about her other than she’s some hot shot ballerina!” Vanessa defended herself. “Should I call her?”

“You have her number?” Silky yelled. “Yes, you should call her!”

“Well I think it’s her number. I mean I have the one she wrote down for the paperwork on her costume.” Vanessa stated sheepishly. “I could find the number tomorrow. I was supposed to start filing the paperwork for costumes then anyway.”

“Find it bitch!” Silky was now standing as well as yelling. “You have to make sure this bitch is okay. Oh, girl I’m getting was too invested in your personal problems.”

~~~

When Vanessa arrived at work the next day she hurried to her station after saying a quick hello to her co-workers. After a couple of minutes shuffling through the folders of paperwork she had on the clients she found Brooke’s file. The short woman opened the file with more force than necessary. The second page in was all of the blonde’s personal information. Along with the phone number she found Brooke’s address, email, and emergency contact, someone named Nina West. Vanessa quickly snapped a picture of the page with her phone then shoved the device back in her pocket.

When the Latina looked around, she noticed Mercedes looking at her. Vanessa gave her what she hoped was a normal looking smile. The Muslim girl just gave a slight shake of her head and looked away. Vanessa let out a breath and put Brooke’s file back where she had grabbed it. She gave herself a minute to straighten up her station and calm herself before starting on the male lead’s opening act costume. 

The process of sewing the costume calmed Vanessa slightly. It gave her just enough to occupy her mind with, so she wasn’t still thinking about the Brooke fiasco. Ariel and Plastique were laughing somewhere in the back on their break while Mercedes was digging through the fabric wall and Shuga was in her office. Vanessa sighed and checked the time, three o’clock, she would get off work in two hours. The short woman decided she could call Brooke after she got home that night. Two more hours.

It was more than two hours and Vanessa was pissed. Shuga had pulled her in for a talk just before five o’clock to talk about Brooke and what went down a couple days before. The talk lasted way too long and both women were uncomfortable. Vanessa knew she had to do it out of necessity, but it still made her mad.

Even after the talk the short woman had to stick around for another fifteen minutes until her station was organized once again. As the clock hit five thirty-six Vanessa was out of the building. She rushed home and quickly made Ramen noodles to give herself something to do. She didn’t want to feel desperate. Another five minutes passes, she grabbed her phone and sat down on her bed. Vanessa put the phone number into her contacts and her thumb hovered over the call button for a few moments.

Would Brooke answer? Is this her right number? What if Brooke doesn’t want to talk to her? Vanessa quickly hit the call button before she could overthink again. After a couple of rings, the phone was answered.

“Hello, Brooke Lynn Hytes speaking.” A confident voice was heard through the phone.

“Uh hey it’s um Vanessa.” The Latina responded. Then she tried a joke. “You know the bitchy seamstress.”

“Oh…” Brooke’s voice quickly got nervous. It was unnerving how quickly the change happened. “Um how did you get my phone number?”

“It’s in your file, but don’t worry I’m not some crazy stalker or nothing.” Vanessa tried another joke. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay after last night.”

“I’m fine.” Brooke said sternly. 

“No, you’re not.” The darker skinned woman said softly. “It’s okay to not be fine Brooke.”

“I’m fine.” The blonde repeated only this time a bit softer. “Vanessa, we don’t need to talk about this. You don’t know me, don’t act like you care.”

“But that’s the think Mami. Shit sorry I mean Brooke.” Vanessa quickly corrected herself. “I do care. I don’t know fucking why but I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Vanessa listen to me. I. Am. Fine.” Brooke said stronger once more. “Let it go.”

“Can we meet? You can come over to my apartment and we can talk.” Vanessa tried. 

“I don’t think so, I’m a very busy person.” Brooke said almost robotically. “Goodnight Vanessa.”

Vanessa was left staring at her black screen. Brooke had hung up on her. What the actual fuck. The angry Latina made a rash decision and texted the number.

V: I still have your leotard. How will I get it back to you? 

Sent. Delivered. Read.

Vanessa stared at the typing bubble in the corner of her screen.

B: My assistant will pick it up for me. Does tomorrow work at the costume studio?

Vanessa was disappointed. Of course, Brooke didn’t want to see her. She probably felt awkward about her brake down over the dress the day before.

V: That’s fine.

~~~

Nina wasn’t happy with Brooke. Of course, she wouldn’t want to go back to that studio, but she decided Nina would go for her. The brown-haired woman was busy trying to direct a play and on top of that right another. Yes, Nina loved Brooke and she always supported her but sometimes she needed to learn boundaries. 

The brown-haired woman skipped her lunch to retrieve the leotard from the studio. Brooke had texted her the address and it was only a block and a half away from the rehearsal building for her play. She opened the door and noticed five women around the room. All the women were holding cups of coffee and laughing around a large coffee pot. The oldest looking woman noticed her after a couple of seconds.

“Oh, hey ma’am! What can we do for you today?” The woman turned around with her dark ponytail whipping after her. “Wait… Nina? Nina West?”

“Yeah…” Nina paused and looked at the familiar woman for a couple more seconds. “Shuga!”

“Ah bitch I can’t believe it’s you!” Shuga said as she pulled the taller woman in for a hug. “Jesus what’s it been? Ten years?”

“I think maybe nine. Girl it’s so good to see a familiar face!” Nina smiled. 

“Ain’t that the truth? Anyway, what brings you here girl?” Shuga asked as she flicked her ponytail over her shoulder.

“I’m here to talk to Vanessa for a bit.” The taller woman said as her smile tightened awkwardly. “Can I steal her for a few minutes?”

“Ness!” Vanessa rushed over with her coffee in her red mug. Shuga then instructed her. “Talk to Nina for a bit, just come back when you’re done.”

Vanessa gave her a nod and Nina an awkward smile. She remembered Nina’s name. Nina West. Brooke’s emergency contact.

“I think we have a bit to talk about Vanessa. Don’t forget that leotard, it is Brooke’s favorite.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way... I still need a beta. Please contact me if you're interested!


	5. Didn't I tell you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys I found a beta and I'm not sure the world is ready :) Seriously she's helped me so much with this chapter and I can't thank her enough thank you weStan <33
> 
> On another note: Please enjoy this chapter!

Brooke was upset, she didn’t think it was obvious until Kennedy, the dance director, pulled her aside and asked what was wrong. She had brushed the dark-skinned woman’s questions off and tried to focus on dancing. Practice seemed to last longer than normal so when Brooke’s break came along, she was extra grateful. During her break she decided to take a walk backstage to clear her head. The tall blonde wove in and out of the curtains then through a door she had found.

When she entered there was a soft light from above. The room was filled with costumes from past productions and old set pieces. Brooke sighed as she looked at the detailed garments hung around the room. As she walked deeper into the room, she was meet with a couple of girls digging through the costumes trying to match props to the garments. One of the girls laughed at something the other said. The blonde had her hair curled to frame her face well and looked very young; they both did in fact. The other had shiny straight blonde hair that went past her hips, she was wearing a red latex skirt with a matching belt looking tube top. They both looked to be at most eighteen.

“Hey, uh, can we help you?” The curly-haired blonde asked. “Wait are you Brooke Lynn Hytes?”

“Oh uhm, yes that’s me.” Brooke responded awkwardly. “Sorry I was just going for a walk.”

“It’s no bother.” The girl with straight hair said. “We’re trying to match props and costumes for a musical down the street.”

“Are you acting in it?” Brooke asked the two girls. 

“No, we’re just interns right now.” The long-haired girl said with an eye roll. “You’re gonna want to remember the name Aquaria in a couple years.”

“Hey don’t forget me!” The blonde said as she gave Aquaria a light shove. “My name is Blair St. Clair.”

“I’ll keep those names in mind.” Brooke said with a smile. “You guys look super young.”

“I’m twenty-one and she’s twenty.” Aquaria answered. She then seemed to get distracted by a prop in one of the boxes. “Oh, grab that!”

Brooke looked at the wall. Fuck. Her mind was wondering off again toward Vanessa. Was Nina getting her costume? Were they talking right now? What if Vanessa thinks she’s crazy? No. She needed to focus on what was in front of her. Wait. Blair was talking to her.

“Are you okay?” Blair looked at Brooke. “You look a little I don’t know… like you’re over thinking maybe?”

Brooke stared at the young blonde for a few seconds. Was she okay? No, she definitely wasn’t, why else would she cut herself? Brooke swallowed. “Yeah. I’m fine.” She answered robotically. 

Brooke noticed Aquaria digging through more boxes oblivious to the two blonde’s conversation.

“I’m sorry for whatever happened to you. I don’t think you’re fine, but you don’t have to tell me.” Blair’s blue eyes were soft. “You should maybe talk to someone.”

Fuck. Brooke thought, how did this twenty-year-old know so much? She should be living her life with no worries. And she defiantly shouldn’t be trying to help Brooke with her problems.

“What do you want to do for Broadway?” Brooke asked out of the blue. The young woman seemed shocked by the question. “What are you good at?”

“Oh. I can act, sing, and I’m pretty good at tap.” Blair answered after a moment. 

“Don’t give up on that. Ever.” Brooke stared at her with meaning. The tall blonde turned to leave but a hand caught her elbow.

“I’ll remember that if you remember this.” Blair said with a sad smile. “You can’t hold the whole world up by yourself, Brooke.”

Brooke and Blair stared at each other for a few seconds. Both blondes had understanding in their eyes. Maybe Brooke wasn’t so alone in the world.

~~~

“I think we have a bit to talk about Vanessa. Don’t forget that leotard, it is Brooke’s favorite.”

Vanessa walked to her station to get the garment. She knew exactly where it was but wanted to stall for a minute before she had to face the intimidating woman. The Latina took a deep breath and opened the bottom drawer with the nude fabric. After grabbing it she quickly hurried back to Nina.

“Let’s go for a little walk, shall we?” Nina said with a soft smile. Vanessa could only nod.

The pair walked in silence until Nina led them into a small coffee shop. Both women were instructed to sit down at the window table by a waitress.

“Hey Nina! It’s been a few weeks; do you want your usual?” The waitress asked.

“That would be great Yvie, thank you.” Nina said with a smile. “This is Vanessa.”

“What’s up Vanessa? Can I get you anything to drink?” Yvie said with a toothy grin.  
“Just water will be great, thank you.” Vanessa said awkwardly. Yvie wrote that down and walked away. “So… you wanted to talk?”

“Yes.” Nina said plainly. Nina took a deep breath before asking what she wanted to know. “I know you had to cut the dress off Brooke. How was she after?”

“Uhm I guess she ‘went back to normal’ for lack of a better way to put it.” The Latina said. “It was kind of scary it was like she changed into a whole different person.”

“I know what you mean.” Nina had a worried look across her face. The brown-haired woman shook her head. “Did she do anything other than that?”

“When I tried to calm her down, she kept saying something.” Vanessa said softly. “That she was… she was bad and… and dirty. I told Brooke that she wasn’t, but I don’t think she believed me.”

“I should have been there.” The taller woman said as she started to chew anxiously on her thumb nail. “Damnit I should have been there.”

“It’s not your fault Nina.” Vanessa lightly put her hand on top of the slightly older woman and gave it a squeeze. “You're not responsible for everything that Brooke does.”

“I should be.” Nina whispered to herself. She took a moment steady herself. “Fuck I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Vanessa said with a shrug. 

Nina nodded and gave her a tight smile. Vanessa seemed to worry for Brooke, as happy as this made the director it also scared her shitless. Brooke was strong minded and could be vicious when she wanted to. Nina didn’t want Brooke to get hurt again. God knows she’d been hurt enough as it is.

Both women finished their drinks and said goodbye to Yvie as they left. Nina walked Vanessa back to the costume studio and the Latina handed the tall woman the leotard.

“Thank you for talking with me Vanessa.” Nina said with a smile. “Goodbye.”

Vanessa was stunned as she was pulled into a hug by the kind woman. “I just worry for Brooke is all. Thank you.” Nina said as she walked away.

~~~

Brooke just walking out of the theater when her phone started to vibrate. Of course, Nina would know her practice schedule just as well as she does. With an eyeroll the blonde hit the answer button and brought the phone up to her ear.

“Hey girlie. Did you get my leo?” Brooke asked.

“Of course.” Nina answered. With a sigh she continued. “I also talked to Vanessa.”

“Nina…” Brooke said in a low angry voice. “What exactly does that mean?”

“It means we are worried about you.” The brown-haired woman responded.

“’We’? As in you and Vanessa were having a little chit chat about me?” The blonde asked coldly. “Nina. Listen to me. How many times do I have to tell you? I. Am. Fine.”

“I know you think that-“ Nina was cut off by Brooke.

“Look Nina, I’m fine, you and your new friend don’t have to worry about me.” Brooke said with fake enthusiasm.

“Okay but maybe you should talk to someone Brooke. A therapist maybe?” Nina pushed slightly. “It couldn’t hurt.”

“No Nina. Let it go. I don’t need you and your perfect life trying to steer my messed-up life.” The blonde said loudly into the phone. “We’re done talking about this.”

Brooke hung up the phone.

Nina and her have had this conversation many times. This ending was one of the better ones. There was an incident that Brooke needed to get stitched on her hand from punching the mirror in the bathroom. And another time when Nina was almost hit by a flying flower pot thrown by the blonde.

The conversation had Brooke pissed once again. It was one thing to have her friend worry about her. It was a whole other thing to have her friend and some bitch she didn’t even know conspiring to place her in treatment. Why was this girl so interested in her anyway? Was she getting payed to try and find Brooke’s secrets? Her reputation would be ruined if her cutting secret was to get out.

Damnit. Brooke thought. She was being paranoid again. Why did she always overthink? Brooke decided she needed a drink.

The blonde made her way to the nearest bar. She had been in the bar before and vaguely remembered being here for a coworker’s birthday. The bar was nice and empty due to it being five o’clock at night.

“What can I get you love?” A woman with big lips and beautiful long legs asked her.

“A shot of tequila.” Brooke said harshly.

“Rough night?” The bartender asked.

“Definitely not great.” The blonde responded. 

The bartender smiled and flipped her dark hair over her shoulder. “Well since it’s not busy I’ve got time. I’m Naomi.” The woman smiled and stuck out her hand.

“Brooke.” She responded with a tight smile as she shook the kind woman’s hand.

“What’s got you down love?” Naomi asked as Brooke took her shot of tequila.

“My friend thinks she is helping me but she’s just getting in the way.” The blonde sighed. “She talked to a girl today that doesn’t even know me and now they’re trying to get me to stop… working so hard.”

Brooke lied quickly to the woman behind the bar so she wouldn’t start asking the unwanted questions.

“Damn girl. If my friends tried to get me to stop doing what I like to do I’d be pissed too.” Naomi said as she poured Brooke another shot.

“I don’t even know this bitch and now she’s trying to mess with my life.” The blonde said angrily, and she downed the next shot. “I’m fine.”

Brooke continued to rant, and she had downed five more shots. It was safe to say she was pretty far past tipsy. Naomi had more customers come in and was talking to the blonde less and less as the night went on, so Brooke payed for her drinks and decided to head out.

The tall woman checked the time on her phone. It was only six-thirty, so she had plenty of time to go home, curl up and watch a movie with her cats. Deciding that was the best thing for her as she was veering close to drunk Brooke walked toward her apartment building. 

The building was several blocks away, so the dancer was glad for the nice weather. Brooke smiled at the theater they had used for rehearsal. She continued to walk. As she crossed over to the next block a building caught Brooke’s eye.

It was the costume studio Vanessa worked at. Vanessa. Brooke had almost forgotten about her.

The blonde sped up her steps until she was right outside the front door of the building. Brooke knew she should go home, especially in the state she was in, but her anger made her blind. Vanessa has the nerve to talk about her behind her back. This Latina bitch doesn’t even know her. Brooke should walk away. She had cats at home that needed feeding. Brooke was almost ready to turn away when she saw a light in the back flick on. Damnit. 

Brooke tried to open the door, but it wouldn’t budge. Fuck. Maybe it was just stuck? She pushed on the door harder. Nothing. She gave the door one last big push. It had to be locked.

“Uhm… that door is a pull…” a voice said from behind the door.

“I knew that.” Brooke said with a slight slur. She easily pulled the door open to see Vanessa standing there. 

“Oh uh… hey Brooke.” The seamstress said awkwardly.

“You’re such a fucking bitch.” Brooke said harshly pointing a finger in Vanessa’s face. “You think you and my best friend can just conspire against me? Huh?”

This was going to be a long night.


	6. I Can't Spell It Out For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a minute babes I've had a rough week. weStan is such a huge help and I can't thank her enough <3
> 
> On another note: Enjoy this chapter :)

When Vanessa heard someone struggling with the door she was confused. Who would want to stop at a costume shop at night? It was almost dark outside. The jerking of the handle rang softly around the building as the Latina walked to the door. 

“Uhm… that door is a pull.” Vanessa said almost wanting to laugh. 

“I knew that.” A woman’s voice slurred.

Vanessa knew that blonde hair right away. It was Brooke. Was she drunk? Why else would she be slurring her words? Was she okay? Why was she here?

“Oh uh… hey Brooke.” The shorter woman said with an awkward smile.

“You’re such a fucking bitch.” Brooke yelled with a finger in Vanessa's face. “You think you and my best friend can just conspire against me? Huh?”

Shit. What did Nina say?

“Geez Mami slow down.” The seamstress tried. “What are you yelling about?”

“Nina was saying just how fucking worried you are for me.” Brooke loudly slurred. “I don’t fucking need that empathy shit from you.”

“I think anyone would be worried for you when you’re in this state.” Vanessa said under her breath as the tall woman just continued her rambling.

“You’re such a bitch. You don’t even know me.” The blonde said then proceeded to do a bad Vanessa impersonation. “Oh, I’m so pretty, people will just let me do whatever I fucking want Mami!”

“I don’t talk like that.” The Latina said defensively as she crossed her arms. “You need some water.”

“Don’t tell me what I fucking need.” Brooke muttered defensively. 

The dark-haired woman walked to the mini fridge kept behind the front desk. Why was Brooke so angry? Vanessa didn’t seem to ever be able to understand this woman.

“Sit down Brooke.” The Latina ordered the blonde as she pushed the water into her hands. 

“No, I’m not going to listen to a little girl.” The tall woman said as she refused to sit down.

“Little girl?” Vanessa asked. “Bitch I’m twenty-three! What the fuck is wrong with you? I’m just trying to help.”

“I don’t need your fucking help.” Brooke yelled. The blonde wobbled slightly as she took a few steps forward.

The Latina took a few steps back. The dancer could be harsh when she wanted to and it startled Vanessa. Before she realized it, she was up against the wall. Brooke grabbed the collar of the shorter woman’s shirt. The two women stared at each other for a few seconds.

“I… don’t… need… your… help…” Brooke sighed softly. She then looked at Vanessa, really looked at her.

The seamstress was gorgeous, Brooke had been too preoccupied the last few times she was with the dark-haired woman to really appreciate it. The blonde stared into Vanessa’s dark eyes before she leaned in.

Brooke quickly captured Vanessa’s lips with her own. The Latina was shocked. Mostly that Brooke was kissing her but also that the blonde was kind of a great kisser. Just as quick as the kiss had happened it was over.

“Shit. Fuck.” The dancer swore as she turned and took a few steps back, away from Vanessa. “I’m sorry”

The Latina stared at the blonde speechless. Brooke had kissed her. Why did she do it? What did it mean? After a moment of contemplation Vanessa made the executive decision to grab the blonde’s wrist.

Within a second Brooke was the one against the wall as Vanessa kissed her and the dancer kissed back. 

The kiss lasted only a short minute until Vanessa pulled away.

“Brooke. You have to go home.” The Latina ordered. “Shit you’re still drunk.”

“Nessa, I don’t want to go.” Brooke tried to kiss her again, but the seamstress stepped back.

“Go home. We can talk about this in the morning when you’re sober.” Vanessa ordered. “Fuck I still have to close.”

“Let me stay until you finish.” The blonde pressed. She then batted her eyelashes. “Pretty please?”

“No.” The short woman stood her ground. “Go home and call me in the morning.”

“Fine I’ll go.” Brooke muttered. 

“Will you be fine walking back yourself?” Vanessa asked. “I could call Nina.”

“I’m fine. Goodnight Nessa.” The dancer said coolly.

The door shut behind Brooke with a soft thunk and Vanessa was alone. 

~~~

Vanessa woke to the soft buzz of her phone. After a moment of blindly grabbing she found her phone and clicked the phone open. 

It was a string of texts from Brooke.

Brooke: Sorry about last night.

Brooke: I was drunk

Brooke: It’s not an excuse but it won’t happen again. 

Brooke: Sorry again.

Vanessa didn’t want to deal with this before her coffee. She climbed out of bed and quickly made a pot and turned on an episode of Project Runway. She made a mental deal to finish the coffee and episode before responding to the text to make her seem less attached to her phone.

It was more difficult than expected but as the episode came to a close Vanessa decided it was time to respond to the dancer’s text. The dark-haired woman reached for her phone. What was she supposed to say? How would she respond?

Vanessa: It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.

What a lame response she realized after she sent the message. It was too late to change it now as the message delivered. She wished the blonde didn’t regret the kiss.

Fuck. Why was Brooke like this? She had kissed Vanessa first, why was everything changing now? Was it because the Latina told her to go home? Did she think she rejected her because she was drunk? The blonde was so confusing.

~~~

Vanessa’s day at work was finishing the final touches on the costumes that had taken her three months to complete. As the final rhinestone went onto the last costume the Latina felt a weight lift off her shoulders. She took a step back and smiled at the delicate garment. Shuga came up behind Vanessa and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Amazing as always Ness. How about you wrap it up and we’ll bring it over later with the rest of the costumes.” The older woman said with a smile. She turned to the other girls around the studio. “Congratulations ladies! We’re finally finished. Everyone finish wrapping them so we can get them over to the theater!”

Vanessa put the costume in the designated bag and zipped it closed with a smile. They were finally done. This cast was huge, and every person had at least two costume changes. All of the seamstresses had to carry two bags with at least ten costumes in each and there were still more bags left over. Vanessa was glad the theater was only a block away she was getting really annoyed of Ariel’s whining. Mercedes let out a squeak as she almost dropped a bag. Plastique was surprisingly calm as she carried her bags, following Shuga as she lead them to the theater.

“How much farther?” Ariel moaned. “I can’t feel my hands!”

“Neither can any of us!” Mercedes snapped back. “Now can you please quit your moaning?”

“Okay ladies we’re here!” Shuga said excitedly. She opened the door with her hip as everyone shuffled through. “I was told just to lay them on the stage and then we’ll sort through them after we get the rest.”

“We have to get more!” Ariel exclaimed. “You’re trying to kill me Shugs.”

“I think we can go without you Ariel for the next run.” The older woman said with an eye roll. “You can start organizing the costumes.”

All five women set their bags on the stage as Shuga gave Ariel instructions on how to organize them for each cast member. Vanessa looked around the theater. It was gorgeous and huge. The old carvings and gold trim made it look very classy.

“One more trip girls!” Shuga said with fake enthusiasm. She was met with a chorus of groans.

“Shut up let’s go.” She responded with an eye roll.

The four women finished their second trip as Ariel had opened the sixth bag. The colorful-haired girl giggled at how tired they looked.

“Shut up miss thing.” Vanessa muttered. “We still need to finish organizing these. Where are the dancers anyway? On a break? Do they have the day off?”

“They’re on break and should be coming back in fifteen minutes.” Shuga said with a groan as she checked the time. “We need to have the costumes in order by the time they come back.”

All the girls whined as they got up but started to place the costumes with the designated roles. Vanessa worked on the main cast since she had sewn most of the costumes. The two main leads had a total of five costume changes, with a groan she stacked the costumes at the front of the stage.

After all of the rushing to organize costumes the women had finished just as the cast came through the wings of the stage. Everyone had their own conversations going on but once they noticed the costumes they hushed right up and seemed excited.

“Okay this is how it’s going to work!” A harsh looking woman with strong makeup said in a gruff voice. “I’m going to have Shuga yell out who’s costumes she has, and you will calmly and quickly go take them from her. When I say calmly, I’m looking at you Adore!”

“I got it Bianca!” A young woman with blonde hair and dark roots responded with a smile.

Shuga stood up with a smile. “Okay I’m going to start calling out character names, go put on your costumes then check in with one of these lovely ladies to make sure it fits correctly.” The older woman’s eyes scanned the room. “Everyone got it?”

Everyone nodded and they started. Vanessa saw a few flashes of blonde but never had to check on Brooke’s costume which she was glad about. She wasn’t sure she could handle talking to the blonde, even if it had been three months. It took almost two hours to get through everyone’s costumes and Vanessa was almost falling over with how tired she was.

“One last thing!” Bianca ran over to the seamstresses as they were about to leave. “I have tickets to open night in two weeks for you guys. Just as another thank you, seriously the costumes are amazing.”

All the women thanked her. Some even gave a hug or two. 

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Bianca exclaimed. “There is an after party at the club a block away. Morgan’s, I think it’s called? You guys should come, just say you’re with the production and Kameron out front should let you right in.”

With another round of thanks, the woman left the theater and went their separate directions to their homes.

~~~

“Girl what am I supposed to wear?” Vanessa yelled to A’keria across the apartment. 

It had taken A’keria a week to convince the Latina to go to the ballet, she mostly wanted to go for the after party.

“How about that black and white jump suit you never wear?” A’keria shouted back.

“That’s fine for the ballet but what about the after party?” The short woman asked.

“How about that cute black buckle bra thing you have?” The black girl responded. “Just unzip the top and tie the sleeves around your waist.”

Vanessa tried the outfit on, and she wasn’t going to lie. She really like it. She put on a few large chunky necklaces and swiped on a dark red lipstick. 

“Bitch are you ready?” A’keria yelled. “We’re going to be late!”

“Yeah let’s go!” Vanessa said with a smile.

They walked the couple blocks to the theater and were met with a huge crowd outside. As they made their way to their seats Vanessa noticed they were right next to her coworkers. 

“Hey girls!” Vanessa smiled. “This is A’keria! Who are all your friends?”

The Latina smiled and tried to remember the names of everyone as she met them. Soon the lights started to slowly dim as everyone sat in their seats once more. The show started with soft beautiful music as three dancers leapt across the stage in perfect unison. As the opening scene went on more people came out until the stage was full of the beautiful dancers.

The scene came to end, and the stage lights went dark once again as clapping rang through the audience. Quickly the light faded on again and it was Brooke alone on the stage She looked stunning. Her hair was back in a tight bun and her white costume was full of shinning jewels.

As the music started to slowly build so did Brooke’s dancing, she was incredible as she spun and moved. It was so beautiful Vanessa didn’t realize she was holding her breath until it was over. As Brooke landed her final pose she stared out into the audience. The Latina could have sworn the blonde was looking at her if the stage lights weren’t so bright. 

The audience was deafening with the applause as the lights faded off once again.

~~~

The coworkers and their plus ones made the short walk to Morgan’s which looked to be a very popular place at the moment. Vanessa and A’keria were leading the pack to the very buff woman out front. 

“Are you Kameron?” Vanessa asked with a smile.

“Yeah.” The strong woman crossed her arms and looked at the group. “What can I do for you?”

“We’re with the production.” The Latina said as she flipped her hair over her shoulder.

“Okay then.” Kameron shot her a smile. “You guys can head right in then.”

The group of women thanked the bouncer as they headed inside. The club was dark with glowing neon lights around the bar and the D.J.’s stand the only light source. The dance floor was full of people dancing and grinding on each other.

“Let’s get drinks!” Vanessa shouted to A’keria over the music.

The two ordered a couple rounds of shots. Soon after A’keria found someone to dance with and left Vanessa alone at the bar. She watched people dance for a few minutes until she felt a tap on her shoulder. She flicked her hair over her shoulder and smiled at the girl behind her. She looked barely old enough to be in this club. The girl had very long blonde hair that went to her waist. Her hair was wavy near the roots but went straight once it met her shoulders. The outfit she wore was very club like with a painted skirt and mesh crop top. She had long latex gloves that went past her elbows on also.

“Want to dance honey?” The blonde asked with a cocky smile. She held out her hand for Vanessa to take.

“Sure.” Vanessa said flashing a grin and took the hand.

The pair made their way over to the dance floor and Vanessa pulled the blonde toward her by her hips. Soon they were pressed tightly together as they grinded on one another.

“What’s your name?” The Latina asked the taller girl. “I’m Vanessa by the way.”

“Aquaria.” Came the response.

“Beautiful.” Vanessa said with a grin.

Vanessa was fully enjoying herself as she danced with the taller girl. The two moved as one in the hot club. She smiled as Aquaria’s lips attached themselves to her neck, she tilted her head away to give the blonde more access. She would definitely have a mark in the morning. Aquaria smiled and let her hands drift to Vanessa’s ass, and she squeezed lightly. They continued to dance for two more songs until the Latina said she was heading to the bathroom to pee.

The bathroom was much quieter then the club as she pushed open the door. There was one girl fixing her makeup but other than that the bathroom was empty. Vanessa quickly relieved herself and started to wash her hands as the door burst open. Standing there was Brooke and she looked fully pissed off.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” The blonde asked coldly.

“Bianca gave us tickets to your show and told us to come here afterwards.” Vanessa said calmly. “Why are you so mad?”

“Why were you dancing with Aquaria?” Brooke asked in a low tone ignoring the question.

“I didn’t realize I needed your permission to dance with anyone.” The Latina responded. Who did this girl think she was? She tried to push past her. “Can I go back out there now?”

“No!” The dancer burst out grabbing the shorter woman and pushing her to the wall. “You’ll just go back out there and dance with her again.”

“So, what if I do?” Vanessa snapped. “You have no right to care about what I do. You could have said something three months ago, but you chose to give up that chance.”

“Shut up.” Brooke said as she held Vanessa to the wall. “Just be quiet for one minute.”

“I hate you bitch!” She yelled at the blonde. “Let go of me! I have a pretty blonde out there waiting for me.”

Brooke continued to hold her against the wall. “Just… shh.”

“Get off of me you bi-.” The Latina was cut off by the dancer’s lips.

“Be. Quiet.” Brooke said softly as she kissed her again. Vanessa kissed her back. 

Fuck was all Vanessa could think. She liked Brooke. She liked her a lot.


End file.
